Time.

As I sit here counting down the hours to my Thursday morning surgery, I realize how much time has snuck by me. For twenty days I have been still, deep in my thoughts, focused on my own little world and unaware of the reality of twenty days flying by. This is an unfamiliar place for me. Normally anytime I try to be still and practice self compassion, I'm destracted by work, drooling dogs, others needs, thoughts, Facebook, the neighbors cat, the pope, or whatever it may be that takes my focus off of myself that day. After five minutes of fighting my distractions, I usually give up, feeling guilt.

It's comforting and restorative to focus on myself without guilt, in the moment, and with plenty of time to do so. It seems it took me these twenty days to feel the comfort and come to the realization of the time that has passed and the healing that has come from it.Twenty days just for myself. Perfect timing with my clearance for surgery and onto my next step on this journey. Everything happens for a reason. 

I remembered a song that has always drawn me in when I hear it. It has always held meaning to me, but even more so now after today. 

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day 
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. 
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town 
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way. 

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. 
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. 
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. 
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. 

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking 
Racing around to come up behind you again. 
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, 
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. 

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. 
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines 
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way 
The time is gone, the song is over, 
Thought I'd something more to say.

Home
Home again
I like to be here
When I can

When I come home
Cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones
Beside the fire

Far away
Across the field
Tolling on the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spell