I am Grateful for my Emotional Triggers

Until I started doing the deep inner work, I was unconscious to how important my emotional triggers are to my own expansion and growth. I didn’t even know what an emotional trigger was. I went through life getting angry when I felt wronged, or over reacting when I felt rejected, or didn’t like someone instantly if they had traits that were “undesirable” to me. I would react emotionally and then feel shame for the anger or any other strong feelings I would have. It was a vicious circle of me reacting and then beating myself up for reacting which led to more shame over time. I would shove all of it deep down and try and forget about it because it was just too uncomfortable to deal with. 

But really I was just doing what I learned to do. We live in a society that tells us we need to avoid our painful triggers at all costs and just forget about them (i.e. stuff them away) or that we are separate from the trigger and that we are the victim. But what happens when we do that is our triggers come back even stronger and more often. They become more persistent and way more uncomfortable. We might even start to reach outside of ourselves for external relief- maybe in the form of overeating, excessive drinking, compulsive shopping etc. They don’t just go away until we gain awareness of what they are and why they show up, and then do the inner work to heal them. 

Why do we get triggered?

There are many reasons we get triggered, but no matter what the reason for each trigger is, all our triggers are there to foster growth and expansion. They are reminding us to turn inward and get in touch with our internal wisdom- and our higher self.  They are showing us to love ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, and to trust ourselves. They are also there to remind us that we are brave and we can heal from whatever it is we have been carrying with us. 

So how do we know what our triggers are trying to teach us? 

First, it is helpful to know where they are coming from. 

Is it rooted in childhood trauma? 

Did you have parents that were unavailable because they worked too many hours at their job? Did you feel like they were frequently emotionally absent because they were tired all the time when they were home? So now as an adult, you find yourself triggered when your husband doesn’t answer his phone right away when you call? Can you make the connection between your parent’s being unavailable to your husband not answering the phone and the same feelings?

Maybe you won a special award as a child and your parents just brushed you off unintentionally and now you get triggered if someone doesn’t give you praise when you have done something you feel is special. 

These kinds of triggers that stem from childhood wounds are there to show you that you have blocked emotions based in childhood trauma stored in your body. They are there to show you that healing from your childhood trauma is needed. 

Our triggers also might be a mirror to show us something we don’t like about ourself. Have you ever met someone that just gets on your nerves? You literally can’t stand them because they are so perfect- it makes you nauseous. If you dig deep, you may realize they are reflecting back to you your own insecurities about your own imperfections and it has nothing to do with them. If someone is triggering you, it may be they are reflecting back to you something you don’t like about yourself. These types of triggers are there to shine the light on our insecurities, self hatred, self loathing, self pity and many self limiting and usually subconscious beliefs about ourselves. These types of beliefs can hold us back from so much in life. When we become aware of them, and are able to release them, we can usually improve many areas of our lives including our relationships, our careers, and our joy. 

How does our ego play into these triggers? Our ego is our “false self” that is created by our beliefs, culture, thoughts, perceptions, and assumptions we have internally developed in order to fit in with society. Our ego will do whatever it takes to protect itself when it gets triggered. When our egos are challenged by something that is perceived as an external threat (rejection, abandonment, blame, shame, disapproval etc.) it goes into “fight” mode in the form of arguing, insulting, yelling, defending, blaming, anger, sabotaging, and sometimes even in extreme cases physical violence. Our ego is also a skilled manipulator and can make us believe what it is telling us- that we are the victim and that we should be angry. We must learn to separate ourself from our ego in order to fully realize the beauty of our triggers. 

So what if we could get to the point of trading in the extreme uncomfortableness these triggers cause us, and we could find the beauty in them and use them to our benefit? Triggers are part of our internal guidance system warning us that we are out of alignment with our higher self. They are an internal alarm to tell us to pay attention to why we are being triggered. They are there because they are showing us there is something we need to work on, something we need to learn and heal, and then let go. 

How can we become grateful for our triggers?

Gratitude for our triggers comes with awareness of them. Finding that awareness comes with lots of practice and even more self compassion. I still get triggered every single day- but now I am able to see my triggers and dig deep to explore what they are there for and how they are there to aide me in my growth and expansion. I am able to forgive myself for any feelings of anger or shame that might still pop up when I am triggered. I can see the beauty that lies just under all the uncomfortableness.