Pure Abandon
A couple days ago my husband posted this photo of me on his Facebook page:
Of course there were a ton of comments, mostly funny and a few flattering ones as well. Nobody seemed to notice the other photo he posted of me.
The photo of me scrambling up the last push to the top Whale Peak....right before I climbed onto a huge boulder and decided to flash all of Ocotillo Wells.
It had finally cooled down enough for desert hiking and we planned the hike from Little Blair Valley to Whale Peak in Anza Borrego a couple Saturday's ago. At 9.5 miles, with 3250 elevation gain, Whale Peak isn't the hardest hike I've done. In fact, this was my fourth time up and it was physically easier than any of my previous trips. Even though rock scrambling with my non articulating, stubborn ankle was a bit of a challenge physically, I adapted quickly and flew up the mountain.
However, climbing those rocks took a toll on me mentally. With each step I had to fight reliving my trauma again. A couple times when I felt a little wobbly, I would have brief flashbacks and had to fight some terror that was surfacing. It was difficult. But I won. I made it to the top and celebrated by shedding my shirt and some of the mental weight I carried with me all the way up.
It wasn't about anything else but pure abandonment. Some view me as wild and free, which I am slowly reclaiming. I will always be a wild animal stuck inside a human trying to heal.
Of course there were a ton of comments, mostly funny and a few flattering ones as well. Nobody seemed to notice the other photo he posted of me.
The photo of me scrambling up the last push to the top Whale Peak....right before I climbed onto a huge boulder and decided to flash all of Ocotillo Wells.
It had finally cooled down enough for desert hiking and we planned the hike from Little Blair Valley to Whale Peak in Anza Borrego a couple Saturday's ago. At 9.5 miles, with 3250 elevation gain, Whale Peak isn't the hardest hike I've done. In fact, this was my fourth time up and it was physically easier than any of my previous trips. Even though rock scrambling with my non articulating, stubborn ankle was a bit of a challenge physically, I adapted quickly and flew up the mountain.
However, climbing those rocks took a toll on me mentally. With each step I had to fight reliving my trauma again. A couple times when I felt a little wobbly, I would have brief flashbacks and had to fight some terror that was surfacing. It was difficult. But I won. I made it to the top and celebrated by shedding my shirt and some of the mental weight I carried with me all the way up.
It wasn't about anything else but pure abandonment. Some view me as wild and free, which I am slowly reclaiming. I will always be a wild animal stuck inside a human trying to heal.
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