The Gift That Keeps on Giving
I had my every six month follow up appointment with my Doctor a couple weeks ago. I had no anxiety over the visit because I was certain he was going to be so impressed with where I am in my recovery. I knew I still had ROM issues and some residual pain and swelling that would be addressed but overall, I was doing very well. Walking to yoga three times a week, riding my horse at least twice a week, and hikes on weekends seem to be getting easier and easier.
The appointment started off with the usual x-ray and standard questions. Everything seemed to be going well until my Doc measured my ROM. I could tell by his reaction he wasn't impressed. Zero degree dorsiflection. The same as six months ago. I was baffled. My Doc hasn't seen how far I've progressed in yoga, how much more movement I have. But numbers don't lie. His explanation? I've adapted, not healed. He says the joint is most likely being blocked by scar tissue and that a third surgery will be needed to clean that tissue up. He called it a capsular release. Surgery, followed by 8 weeks of recovery (crutches), followed by a couple months of very aggressive PT. Ouch.
Next we took a look at my x-rays. He asked about the kind of pain I was still feeling and I explained how it has changed a bit and was still somewhat persistent. He explained to me the pain I am now feeling is from some arthritis that has set in since my last appointment. He showed me in my x-ray my poor ankle bone on bone and the pain that it was causing. It wasn't what either of us was hoping for. He told me my prognosis is not great and to expect needing a full ankle replacement within the next few years as my arthritis will only get worse. He also said forget about ever running again. Yikes.
To be honest, I had forgotten one of the biggest lessons learned from all of this; learning to let go of expectations. I had expected to walk in there and walk out with an almost clean bill of health and when I didn't get that, it was devastating. I couldn't hold back my emotions and my poor Doc became my counselor once again. He wanted to show me how far I'd come and pulled one of my early X-Rays up for me. I forgot how mangled and shattered all of my bones were. He reminded me he only sees ankles as bad as mine was in car accidents or very traumatic accidents, not typically a hiking injury. He reminded me I'm young and strong and determined, not like most of his patients. He also said my saving grace is my yoga, my horse, my hiking.
To write this blog took some thought. I don't want to be this needy ankle girl forever. It was so much easier when I still considered myself in recovery to just let my feelings flow; it was healing. Since I felt I was over the hump so to say, I lost some of those feelings of needing to heal, or so I thought anyways. I guess my lesson now is that I'm always healing in so many ways (ankle or not) it's ok either way. My next appointment with my new Doc, an ankle specialist, to map out my future is August 25th. In the meantime, I'm packing my backpack to climb Baden-Powell this weekend. My Doc agrees he can't keep me still.
The appointment started off with the usual x-ray and standard questions. Everything seemed to be going well until my Doc measured my ROM. I could tell by his reaction he wasn't impressed. Zero degree dorsiflection. The same as six months ago. I was baffled. My Doc hasn't seen how far I've progressed in yoga, how much more movement I have. But numbers don't lie. His explanation? I've adapted, not healed. He says the joint is most likely being blocked by scar tissue and that a third surgery will be needed to clean that tissue up. He called it a capsular release. Surgery, followed by 8 weeks of recovery (crutches), followed by a couple months of very aggressive PT. Ouch.
Next we took a look at my x-rays. He asked about the kind of pain I was still feeling and I explained how it has changed a bit and was still somewhat persistent. He explained to me the pain I am now feeling is from some arthritis that has set in since my last appointment. He showed me in my x-ray my poor ankle bone on bone and the pain that it was causing. It wasn't what either of us was hoping for. He told me my prognosis is not great and to expect needing a full ankle replacement within the next few years as my arthritis will only get worse. He also said forget about ever running again. Yikes.
To be honest, I had forgotten one of the biggest lessons learned from all of this; learning to let go of expectations. I had expected to walk in there and walk out with an almost clean bill of health and when I didn't get that, it was devastating. I couldn't hold back my emotions and my poor Doc became my counselor once again. He wanted to show me how far I'd come and pulled one of my early X-Rays up for me. I forgot how mangled and shattered all of my bones were. He reminded me he only sees ankles as bad as mine was in car accidents or very traumatic accidents, not typically a hiking injury. He reminded me I'm young and strong and determined, not like most of his patients. He also said my saving grace is my yoga, my horse, my hiking.
To write this blog took some thought. I don't want to be this needy ankle girl forever. It was so much easier when I still considered myself in recovery to just let my feelings flow; it was healing. Since I felt I was over the hump so to say, I lost some of those feelings of needing to heal, or so I thought anyways. I guess my lesson now is that I'm always healing in so many ways (ankle or not) it's ok either way. My next appointment with my new Doc, an ankle specialist, to map out my future is August 25th. In the meantime, I'm packing my backpack to climb Baden-Powell this weekend. My Doc agrees he can't keep me still.
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