Happy 17th Wedding Anniversary to Us!

Tony and I have a pretty amazing marriage. We genuinely like each other, we make a great team, and have a lot of the same interests. We do almost everything together and are ok with spending time apart too when it’s needed. We are celebrating 17 years married today- which is pretty unbelievable and quite an achievement for both of us! 
For those that don’t know our story- I met Tony on Friday July 13th, 2001 in the parking lot at a punk rock concert. My friends and I had brought sandwiches, and Tony’s friend, Steve, had vodka and OJ so we traded sandwiches for screwdrivers. We sat on our bumpers eating sandwiches, drinking vodka and OJ, and talking about music and our favorite bands. When it was time to go into the concert I lost my friends somehow and Tony and I ended up hanging out most of the day together. During Social Distortion’s set (my favorite band at the time) a drunk guy in the mosh pit thought it was ok to put his hands all over me. Luckily my Dad taught me how to protect myself at a young age so I put my hands around his neck and choked him out yelling “don’t you ever touch another girl like that again” as he passed out and fell to the ground. Tony watched from a distance what was happening and decided at that moment I was the girl for him. 

When the concert was over, he asked me for my number and said he wanted to go surfing with me. He seemed like such a genuinely nice guy, and I thought he was cute, so I scratched my name, number, and the message “to surf” on a Dini’s Bar matchbook I had in my purse. He called me the very next morning and we went surfing. 

We have been together ever since. ❤️

When you know, you know and I have chosen Tony every day since that punk rock concert.

You learn a lot about what it means to be in a relationship being with someone for 19 years and married for 17 of those years.  You learn a lot about the other person and even more about yourself. We are not the same people we were back at that punk rock show, and we’ve had to adapt to significant changes in each other over the years. We have had our ups and downs, just like most couples, but are able to view all of it as growth and expansion rather than “good or bad”. 

So how do we do it? 

1. Acceptance. We accept each other 100% for who we are. We don’t try to change each other in order to fill our own insecurities or needs. Understanding and appreciating each other for who we are without expectations has been one of the biggest and best things for our marriage we have learned. 
2. Forgiveness. Neither one of us are perfect. We have both caused each other pain and we have both done things we were sorry for. Being able to truly forgive each other (and ourselves) allows for healing and being able to move on with an open heart. 
3. Connection. Tony and I still have so much fun together. We find connection through hiking, live music, Friday date nights, meditation, and long talks about the Universe and what this all means. We make quality time with each other a priority, and do not commit to anything outside our marriage that takes up our time together without talking about it first. Learning to say no to outside “obligations” and putting our marriage first was one of the most important steps we took together. 
4. Communication. Being able to ask for what we need and expressing ourselves to each other is one of the most important aspects of our marriage. When we lack communication is when we usually start having issues. We recommit to each other often to always communicate with each other even if it might be hard sometimes. 
5. Healing. We understand most of our triggers are because of our own trapped emotions and do not necessarily have anything to do with each other. This awareness has created the most growth and understanding in our relationship. It has cultivated deep healing and awareness in us both. 
6. Love. We love each other but we also love ourselves too. We understand you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself. When we take care of ourselves, we can come from a place of pure, unconditional love for each other. 
7. Journey. We view our marriage as a journey and not some sort of destination. We are constantly evolving and growing with each other. We support each other every day along this journey, even when things might seem tough. We have learned that those “tough” times are the times that created the most growth. 
8. Patience. Yes, patience is a virtue and an act of kindness. Having patience for each other is one of our biggest strengths. Patience begets kindness as it is an active choice to give grace to someone else.  
9. Choice. We choose to be together because we want to be, not because we feel like we have to be. While we believe in our commitment we made to each other, we also believe that the commitment isn’t something we are willing to sacrifice our own happiness for. If someday we find we are not happy together anymore, we are ok with letting each other go. 
10. Learning. We are both constantly learning and expanding ourselves, our spirituality, and our awareness which makes us each a better partner. We also have fun learning new things together. 
11. Believe. We believe that we have each other’s best intentions at heart first. We believe in each other and the love we have for each other. We believe we are right where we are supposed to be.